But here’s the thing: avoiding them doesn’t make the problem go away. In fact, in small and medium-sized businesses (SMEs), the ripple effect of unresolved issues is amplified. One person’s behaviour can affect the whole team’s morale, productivity, and even customer experience.
So, how do you approach these conversations with confidence, fairness, and empathy?
What Counts as a “Difficult Conversation”?
A difficult conversation is any chat that makes you pause and think: “This could get awkward.”
It might be about:
Missed deadlines or poor performance
Conduct issues such as lateness, absence, or inappropriate behaviour.
Sensitive topics like cultural misunderstandings.
Saying “no” to flexible working or leave requests.
Handling complaints or negative feedback from others
Delivering bad news, such as redundancies.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, or you know the employee won’t like hearing it, it’s probably a difficult conversation.
Why Managers Can’t Afford to Put Them Off
A study by the Chartered Management Institute found that:
· 43% of people worry most about how the other person will respond.
· 31% fear they won’t get their point across clearly.
· 29% dread confrontation or emotions running high.
It’s no wonder these conversations get pushed to the bottom of the to-do list. But the costs of avoiding them are high:
· Morale suffers when poor performance goes unchecked.
· Trust breaks down if issues aren’t dealt with fairly and consistently.
· Legal risks rise if problems escalate to grievances or tribunals.
· Good people leave if they see bad behaviour ignored.
In SMEs, especially where everyone’s contribution is so visible, managers set the tone. Handled well, difficult conversations can actually build credibility and strengthen relationships.
Preparation is Everything
Walking into a tough chat unprepared is a recipe for disaster. Here’s how to set yourself up for success:
· Gather facts: What’s happened, how often, and what’s the impact?
· Clarify your outcome: What change are you hoping to see?
· Plan the logistics: Choose a private, neutral space, and allow enough time.
· Rehearse your points: Practise tone and body language.
· Anticipate reactions: Think through how the employee might respond.
· Schedule follow-ups: Change rarely happens overnight—support and check-ins matter.
A Simple Framework: The AID Model
If you’re unsure how to structure the conversation, the AID feedback model is a brilliant tool:
1. Action – Focus on specific behaviours, not personal traits.
· “You’ve been late every day for the last two weeks.”
· “You’re always unreliable.”
2. Impact – Explain why it matters.
· “When you’re late, the rest of the team has to cover for you, which affects morale and delays projects.”
3. Desired outcome – Be clear on what needs to change, and discuss how to make it happen.
· “I’d like us to agree a plan to help you arrive on time—what support do you need to make that possible?”
This approach keeps the conversation fact-based, fair, and future-focused.
Staying Calm and Compassionate
Even with the best preparation, emotions can flare. Here are some tips for keeping your cool:
· Take a few deep breaths—seven seconds is all it takes to reset your brain’s “fight or flight” response.
· Focus on facts, not feelings.
· Use active listening—show you’re really hearing them.
· Allow silence. Sometimes the pause is when real reflection happens.
· If things get too heated, it’s okay to reschedule—just don’t avoid the conversation altogether.
The Do’s and Do not’s for Managers
Do:
· Use open questions and listen actively.
· Acknowledge the employee’s feelings.
· Summarise key points and agree on actions.
· Always follow up.
Do not:
· Interrupt or rush the conversation.
· Get derailed by emotions.
· Go in unprepared.
· Forget to recognise improvements—it matters.
Final Thought
Difficult conversations will never be easy. But with the right preparation, approach, and mindset, they can be some of the most valuable moments of leadership.
Handled well, these conversations don’t just solve problems, they build trust, clarity, and stronger working relationships. And that’s something every business, big or small, can benefit from.
